If you want it bad enough, you can get it

I'm sorry, I wish I had pictures to show my defeat...nah I don't really.  I also have a lot to say about this race, so this is quite a length post.  An inside look to my racing mind that never stops.

Cross is my all time favorite discipline of bike racing.  I race road to excel at cross and gain strength, I race mountain to improve my technical skills and  I put it together to race cross.  This season has been an incridble breakthrough CX season for me, I have won not 1 race, but 2 and as of now I am leading the Seattle Cyclocross Series.  But when I finish a race and I am upset and I didn't have as much fun as I would have hoped, I get dissapointed.  I don't want to race at the same venue 2x in one series (okay maybe if it was Enumclaw twice I would), but this venue is BORING.  Where is the technical?  Where is the mud?  Where is the discipline that I fell in love with?  The sunny weather we have been having doesn't help. 

Another weekend of a double header, Saturday was up north in Ferndale for the Cascade Cross Series and what an amazing course.  It was awesome, thank you Ryan and the guys at Traitor Cycles for creating a very memorable cyclocross course I was able to hold off on going all out and took home the W for the USA (Cross Border Clash...bringing the Canadians down to America)!

Sunday was another ball game.  We raced at Steilacoom for the 2nd time this season, and I wasn't feeling it.  When I pre-rode the course I just had this feeling I wasn't going to have fun.  The course (although mostly uphill for the first half) felt fast.  Here we go again another fast painful cross course with no mud and a lot of sunshine.  I wasn't feeling it, and with my track record I was going to get 2nd place (so far this season it has been a 2nd, 1st, 2nd, 1st, and now....***gasp*** 2nd!).  I just had an inkling, I think that's where I went wrong, I didn't visualize myself crossing the finish line first.  Actually, I went wrong in many places throughout the 49  minutes of racing.

It started well, I was third going into the first turn, by the 3rd turn I was 2nd, and by the run up I was first.  Then I realized my bike wasn't functioning well (um what's new?) I couldn't get out of my big chain ring and my bike was making horrible rubbing noises, and my rear shifting, well that never works.  I basically fumbled around with my bike all race long, getting frustrated, trying to shift, just the usual when racing my crappy Felt CX bike.  I even was fumbling on my mounts (which where awesome the weekend before), my head wasn't in the race, it wasn't in the game of holding off second place.  When it came down to passing men, I just didn't have the urge I usually do, I wasn't my normal bossy self yelling "get out of the way" (Okay usually I am a lot nicer than that).  So when I needed to pass the men, I didn't have the motivation to do it and I let myself sit behind them for far too long.  I didn't have the mental capacity to push it when I needed to.  My head wasn't in the right place. 

I was able to hold off 2nd place for most of the race, until the last lap when she caught me and almost pulled away.  Chris was yelling at me to get her and I almost gave him the finger, I was THAT unmotivated.  But I found a little bit of extra drive in my legs and dug in to catch her on the 2nd climb.  On the decent my bike decided it didn't want to cooperate (How the heck do you spell that anyways?) anymore and my chain fell off to the outside of my cranks, I was only pedaling for goodness sakes.  So naturally I shift down to get the chain back on and it pops back onto my small chain ring.  Great now I am in a gear I do not want to be in and I can't get out of it.  After racing all race in my big chain ring I was used to what gear I needed to be in through each turn and now it was going to be a whole new agenda.  2 turns before the barriers I was able to take a better line and accelerate out of the turn faster than the girl who caught me, so I got back into first place, hit the barrier, mounted faster, and it came down to a sprint to the finish.  I put all the gears on in my rear cassette and when it came to shift into my big chain ring..well it wouldn't budge, so I ended up spinning my legs out like a crazy person to the finish line, only to get passed at the line (wait, there was no line so who knows where the finish was). 

Awesome.  She wanted it more than I did, and she deserved it for the work she put in.  I didn't have that internal drive I needed to pull off a win. 

This race really upset me and it reminded me what I like about cyclocross and why I fell in love with the sport.  I fell in love with the sport because it challenged me, not just physically, but mentally.  It challenged me to figure out the best line through tricky turns, to try to catch the person in front of me, I was challenged to learn how to ride through mud and how to dismount my bike quickly and scoop it up before a run up.  I was challenged to escape the person behind me and work on my own to push myself to my capacity, but these courses haven't done that.  Is it the course?  Is it the weather?  Is it a combo?  After Enumclaw I had a sh*t (excuse the language) eating grin on my face for days because I had such a good time, I could have rode that course all day long.  Steilacoom...not so much. 

This weekend is at Woodland Park and is the  MFG series final.  My mom and dad, and my dads friend are coming out to watch so I think I might actually try to perform well for them!  This is one of the best courses we have so I can't wait for the race!

The following weekend is my friend Beth's wedding and I will have to miss Sprinker Park for the 6th SCX race.  This REALLY bums me out because it means a possible loss of the series title.  I really wanted to win the series, but I am setting myself up for a 2nd place finish so I do not get disappointed.  I can only be happy that this season has shown me how strong I can be and how much I can accomplish when I set my mind to it.  I came in wanting to win races, and I have accomplished just that.  It's amazing how when you find something that suits you, how well you can excel at it.  I never thought in another lifetime that I would be where I am with my abilities today, so all I can do is smile because the work I have done has payed off.  And that work has been pleasurable, I enjoy it, and it's my hobby.