My first thoughts when I crossed the finish line on some gigantic, hardly can reach the flat pedals bike, that wasn't mine, was I can't believe I failed myself. I wanted to curl up into a ball and burst into tears, out of shame, embaressment, hard work gone to sh*t, and a lot of pain. My fitness, climbing skills, and uphill techinal riding skills absoutely do not match my decending skills. When I decend, fear and paranoia takes over, I visual myself crashing, flying over my handlebars, braking bones, being in a lot of pain. This really isn't the visualization you want while mountain biking. When I look at something that I don't have the confidence to go down, I freak out and unclip instead of trying to ride it. I hate it, I absolutely hate it. I want to have the confidence to ride everything, and ride it smoothly, but I am so scared sometimes!!
This last Saturday I took a day trip to Squamish, BC to race the Test of Metal, a 42 mile mountain bike 800 + person , mass start race. My Friend Logan W. was able to get me an entry to the race a few weeks ago, so I was really lucky to be able to race this event since it sold out in a record breaking 23 minutes in January. I have heard great things about the trails in Squamish so I was really looking forward to racing there. Since Squamish is so close to Whistler I figured some of the trails had to be pretty technical (technical is an understatement for one trail in particular).
My goal: 3 hours and 30 minutes
So I lined myself up at the back of the estimated finish time of 3.25 hours to 3.5 hours. The start of the race was a couple miles up hill on pavement through neighborhoods. The spectators were phenominal, the energy and cheering coming from the crowd was so incredible I couldn't help but smile. I knew that I wanted to get past as many people as I could on this section before the start of the single track, but also didn't want to go all out at the start of the race. Now imagine 800 mountain bikers riding through your neighborhood, the swarm of people and bobbing heads seemed unreal. My favorite part about this section of the race was how these people do not know how to rider next to others, I had people riding in to me, cutting me off, turning into me around corners, it was some what funny. Once in the single track it was a congo line (for a lack of a better term) of bikers, wheel to wheel riding through these trails, I saw a lot of people off to the side with flat tires (it was only the beginning), the trail at this section was very rocky.
I knew that I couldn't push myself to the limit or I was going to burn out, so I had to hold a steady pace where my legs and lungs where not burning. I kept telling myself this is not a cyclo-cross race, this is not a short mountain bike race, ride smooth and remain calm. Push yourself, but do not over do it. This tactic was working great for me, I was having an awesome race, my legs felt great, I was passing people on the flats and the climbs, I was having a blast! At one point there was a downhil section that was really swoopy, switch back, somewhat technical downhill with multiple people cheering and ringing cowbells. When I say multiple, imagine you're favorite walking, jogging, biking trail and the outside of it lined with people the whole way cheering for you. This race wasn't just a race, it was an experience of a lifetime. Around mile 20 there is this hill called "Bonk Hill" its approx. 9 miles long. I love hills and I knew what I needed to do. In my head I kept telling myself "slow and steady wins the race, hold a pace you know you can hold and stay at that pace, stay at that cadence, do not worry about the people around you because this is your race". Along the climb I passed some guy who said "wow you are doing awesome, keep it up" so I turned to him and I replied "this is so much fun!!" he looked at me with a serious face and asked "are you retarded?" As I pedaled by him I replied with a "if this wasn't fun you would not be here" his response "I am starting to question why I am here" that was the last of our conversation.
Once at the top someone informed me I was the 9th female, not too shabby, I was stoked. The women who I was riding with on the last uphill section informed me that coming up was a 30 minute downhill section and then about 30 more minutes to the finish. I looked at my watch and the elapsed time of the race was 2 hours and 25 minutes. In my head I thought "hell ya!!! Under 3.5 hours!" I was having an awesome race, really the race of a lifetime for me. I began to decend down this long straight really really really loose rocky section. Did I mention it was rocky? I passed quite a few people with flat tires, then my fate hit me, my rear tire was flat. I pulled over and calmed myself down "flats happen" fix it as fast of you can. I pulled my tube off the back of my bike and pulled out my CO2, fixed the flat, and looked down at my watch. It took me about 7 minutes to fix. I got back on my bike and wanted to make up some lost time, so I pushed it hard. A little too hard and crash #1 happened. I was okay.
The following single track downhill was epically hard for me. I kept hearing about "The Plunge" and how it was a technical downhill decent, with tight switchbacks and rocky drops. Now wait..combine the two, a tight switchback with a rocky drop in the middle of it, and ta-dah you have "The Plunge". Apparently to the locals this trail isn't technical...to me..it was. Did I forget to mention it poured all night and into the morning until about 10am so the trails were freshly groomed with a layer of slime? This made "The Plunge" even more scary and technical. Some sections I walked, some sections I rode. I was riding a lot of scary stuff thinking in my head "holy crap, oh f***, s***, I can't believe I am riding this". When I didn't feel comfortable, I walked it. One section I decided to try, this particular switchback had a photographer AND spectators cheering, probably about 10. The spectators cheered "yaaa you got it girl" and it was almost instantaneous that I flipped head over my handlebars, landed with my feet up in the air and caught my bike with one hand above my head. The guy behind me proceeded to ride the drop/steep rocky decent thingy into the switchback and rode his rear wheel right into my head. Thank goodness for helmets. It actually didn't hurt at all, so I asked the spectators if it looked good at least, and the photographer said he took lots of pictures. I love crash photos.
Courtenay's Crash Series
I am about 20 photos in...watch me crash, and no it didn't hurt.
After that section I was pretty mentally wiped, the ground was really slick, and I lost focus. Crash #3, this one probably hurt the most, and it caused my inner thigh to cramp, like nothing I have ever experienced in my life. It was so strange, when I went through the first feed zone again for the last bit of single track my inner thigh was popping out of my leg, it looked as if it curled up into a small ball and was trying to jump out of my shorts...it was weird. I drank some of my nuun, and it was within 10 seconds of one sip that the cramping stopped and it didn't bother me again. So I pedaled my way through the last bit of single track, still hoping to make it to the finish in 3.5 hours.
I make it to the pavement, down some gravel paths, over a large rock structure, and then I feel it, and I hear it, and I have no air in my back tire. My first thoughts "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!!!" It was true, 2nd flat of day. At the start of a race I never hope to flat, but I bring 1 tube with me just in case a flat happens. The chance of flatting a 2nd time, I hope it doesn't happen. Why would that happen? Just bad luck I suppose, I was about 1.5 miles from the finish line, and gosh darn it I was going to finish the race. So, I held onto the stem of my bike with my right hand and started running and watched as many many many riders passed me. This was the most devastating part of the race, I had to tell myself it was going to be okay, and stop myself from going into a complete panic attack. When I played soccer in High School and anything bad happened I would have a panic attack, and wouldn't be able to breathe. I was seconds away from that happening to me as I was running down the path. The comments and positive reinforcement coming from the racers was unlike anything I would experience at any other race. I ran for about 10-15ish minutes and was 200m to the finish when I hear a guy say "Hey you want my bike?" so this young guy gives me his HUGE bike, lowers the seat, and says "I will meet you at the finish line". I hop on, can hardly reach the pedals, I certainly can't reach the brake levers, and stroll on thru to the finish line, before I burst into tears from frustration.
I have never flatted in a race before, so I suppose it was my time, and hey why not flat twice? I was recommended to go Tubeless, so I think this week I am going to head to a bike shop and pick up some Stans NoTubes, and forgo the tubes.
I ended up finishing the race in 3 hours and 41 minutes, which was first in my age group and 242 overall. I know everyone says "wow first place that's great", but I don't care about my placement, I don't care if I was last or middle of the group. I care about how the race went for me, how did I do, how did I feel, what went right, what went wrong. What did I hit incorrectly that caused me to flat twice? Why can't I decend? I was planning on racing the Gearjammer in July before Chris and I head to my beach house, but I think I want to pass on that race and work on my decending skills before I race in BC again.
For first place I won a free entry for next year and a couple of other things. I will be back next year to the race, hoping to conquer my time, fears, and frustration.
Here are a couple of links to some pictures, unfortunatly they are copywrighted (and I can't spell) so I cannot get them. :-)
http://www.davebrysonimages.com/tom2011/e3327753e
http://www.davebrysonimages.com/tom2011/e308474b0
http://www.double-shutter.com/tom2011-race.htm (I'm on page 8)
http://www.double-shutter.com/tom2011-finish.htm (page 29, me on my new bike)
http://www.double-shutter.com/tom2011-faces.htm (Whitney and I page 7)
Monday, June 20, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Born This Way
I don't wanna wear that
It only makes me look fat
Time to tone my thighs-- gotta lose another size, yeah!
What a way to wanna be
Exfoliate--look great!
Feel guilty 'bout what you ate
You're buyin' all the books--
to learn the latest looks, yeah
What a way to wanna be
We like to buy, we like to spend,
to keep up with the latest trend
But we don't get no satisfaction
living like a slave to fashion
No more thinking for yourself,
just get it off a shelf
[Chorus:]
Oh--oh, why be perfect--no--oh,
it's not worth it
Don't be so obsessed--c'mon give it a rest
This is not some contest--just do your best
'Cause no--oh body's perfect!
What a way to wanna be
Moisturize, exercise, erase the
rings around your eyes
Cover what you can,
get a Coppertone tan, yeah
What a way to wanna be!
Stabilize the mood you're in--
you're back on diet food again
Bigger is the best, but only
in the chest, yeah!
What a way to wanna be
We like to buy, we like to spend,
to keep up with the latest trend
But we don't get no satisfaction
living like a slave to fashion
No more thinking for yourself,
just get it off a shelf
[Repeat Chorus]
It's so very--unnecessary
Yeah, how insane--to be so vain
It's so synthetic--I just don't get it
I don't get it, baby, yeah, yeah
Don't be so obsessed--c'mon give it a rest
This is not some contest--just do your best
'Cause no--oh body's perfect!
(Ooooohhhhhh)
Oh, no--oh body's perfect
No--oh, it's not worth it
Don't be so obsessed
(No--oh body's perfect)
This is not some contest
(No--oh body's perfect)
Perfect! What a way to wanna be
Although that previous song is a Shania Twain song, I can't help but title this post with the name of Lady Gaga's new release. The other night night Chris and I went out for dinner and a movie and as I did the usual try on 3 pairs of jeans and 5 shirts with 2 different pairs of shoes, I got to thinking. As a female we are known to be our own worst critic when it comes to the way we look and the way we are. We beat our selves to the ground, hoping for a smaller butt, bigger boobs, a flat stomach, perfectly toned and model skinny legs, when we know deep down inside that we will never look the way we want. As I looked in the mirror wearing a pair of jeans I haven't put on in years because I never liked the way they looked on me, I felt at peace with my body.
Last December I told myself I didn't care if I gained weight because I was going to enjoy the holiday treats guilt free. I am too young to restrict myself, because once I am older I know I wont be able to enjoy these delicious treats as often. That's just what I did, but secretly of course I hated that I put on 5 pounds over the winter. I kept telling myself I was going to quit eating treats, I was going to lose the winter weight and I would be back to normal. Well 6 months later I haven't lost all the weight I wanted to lose, but have lost 3 pounds, and here I am still enjoying my tasty treats.
As I looked at myself wearing these jeans I realized that no matter what I do, my body will always be my body and it will always look the same. No matter what, my legs will be strong and muscular, my calves will be too big for the rest of my body, my butt will always be big, my hips will be small, my forearms will be too small, and my abdominals will never be the way I want them to be. Whether I lift weights or not my arms will always look muscular, it's just the way I am. I was born this way, these are my genes and I cannot change them, I have to embrace them. So here I am at 26 years old and finally at peace and ackowledging who I am and what I look like.
It only makes me look fat
Time to tone my thighs-- gotta lose another size, yeah!
What a way to wanna be
Exfoliate--look great!
Feel guilty 'bout what you ate
You're buyin' all the books--
to learn the latest looks, yeah
What a way to wanna be
We like to buy, we like to spend,
to keep up with the latest trend
But we don't get no satisfaction
living like a slave to fashion
No more thinking for yourself,
just get it off a shelf
[Chorus:]
Oh--oh, why be perfect--no--oh,
it's not worth it
Don't be so obsessed--c'mon give it a rest
This is not some contest--just do your best
'Cause no--oh body's perfect!
What a way to wanna be
Moisturize, exercise, erase the
rings around your eyes
Cover what you can,
get a Coppertone tan, yeah
What a way to wanna be!
Stabilize the mood you're in--
you're back on diet food again
Bigger is the best, but only
in the chest, yeah!
What a way to wanna be
We like to buy, we like to spend,
to keep up with the latest trend
But we don't get no satisfaction
living like a slave to fashion
No more thinking for yourself,
just get it off a shelf
[Repeat Chorus]
It's so very--unnecessary
Yeah, how insane--to be so vain
It's so synthetic--I just don't get it
I don't get it, baby, yeah, yeah
Don't be so obsessed--c'mon give it a rest
This is not some contest--just do your best
'Cause no--oh body's perfect!
(Ooooohhhhhh)
Oh, no--oh body's perfect
No--oh, it's not worth it
Don't be so obsessed
(No--oh body's perfect)
This is not some contest
(No--oh body's perfect)
Perfect! What a way to wanna be
Although that previous song is a Shania Twain song, I can't help but title this post with the name of Lady Gaga's new release. The other night night Chris and I went out for dinner and a movie and as I did the usual try on 3 pairs of jeans and 5 shirts with 2 different pairs of shoes, I got to thinking. As a female we are known to be our own worst critic when it comes to the way we look and the way we are. We beat our selves to the ground, hoping for a smaller butt, bigger boobs, a flat stomach, perfectly toned and model skinny legs, when we know deep down inside that we will never look the way we want. As I looked in the mirror wearing a pair of jeans I haven't put on in years because I never liked the way they looked on me, I felt at peace with my body.
Last December I told myself I didn't care if I gained weight because I was going to enjoy the holiday treats guilt free. I am too young to restrict myself, because once I am older I know I wont be able to enjoy these delicious treats as often. That's just what I did, but secretly of course I hated that I put on 5 pounds over the winter. I kept telling myself I was going to quit eating treats, I was going to lose the winter weight and I would be back to normal. Well 6 months later I haven't lost all the weight I wanted to lose, but have lost 3 pounds, and here I am still enjoying my tasty treats.
As I looked at myself wearing these jeans I realized that no matter what I do, my body will always be my body and it will always look the same. No matter what, my legs will be strong and muscular, my calves will be too big for the rest of my body, my butt will always be big, my hips will be small, my forearms will be too small, and my abdominals will never be the way I want them to be. Whether I lift weights or not my arms will always look muscular, it's just the way I am. I was born this way, these are my genes and I cannot change them, I have to embrace them. So here I am at 26 years old and finally at peace and ackowledging who I am and what I look like.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
cookies and ice cream and candy... oh my!
I really want to eat dessert right now and it's taking every ounce of self restraint to not go to the kitchen and whip up some tasty treats. For anyone that knows me they know how much I LOVE sugar. Saying I have a sweet tooth doesn't give my cravings justice. This winter consisted of me baking cookies about 2x week and eating all those cookies within a couple of days. It got so bad one night I wrote myself a sign that said no more cookies, and I placed it on the fridge for 2 months. The night went something like this:
I turn to Chris after eating dinner and so delightfully say how I want cake. He says "you could make a cookie bar, that's sort of like cake". So that's what I did, I whipped up a chocolate chip cookie bar, but I was too impatient to let it cook all the way. I pulled it out of the oven when the edges looked cripsy and delicious and let it sit...for 2 minutes before I sliced in. One corner was amazing, but you know when you eat a cookie you can't just have one. So I went back for seconds, and thirds, and fourths, and..... then the cookie bar was gone and I thought I was going to throw up. That's when I had to put the sign on the fridge. I felt sick for 2 days. I didn't eat a cookie for an entire month, and didn't even bake cookies for 2 months!
You see...I have a sweet tooth, and it's a problem. I used to buy pounds of bulk candy at the store and eat it within days. I love candy, I love cake, I love cookies, I love sugar. I truly am a fat kid at heart. So now you see how hard it is for me to restrain from wanting to bake some cookies. If there are cookies on the counter I will eat them all. Dessert has no shelf life in my house.
This obsession is why I have to exercise on a regular basis. Scratch that, I have to exercise for multiple hours a day or I would like this (blue and round, I would be blue because I am sad for being so overweight and round because clearly I am eating too many cookies and not exercising enough)
Poor cookie monster. My cookie eating training has been treating me pretty well in my recent bike racing endeavors. Lets start with the Bellingham Olympics (commonly called Ski to Sea). This was my second year in a row racing the Mountain Bike leg of the Bham Olympics, but my 6th year competing. Last year after the race I learned of something called "The Top Gun" I wanted that award from that moment on. The "Top Gun" is the fastest male and female for each leg of the race. I drooled over the idea of that award all year long. The problem? The women who received the award in 2010 is stinkin' fast! I could only idolize how fast and skilled she is on a mountain and cross bike. I just wasn't sure I would be able to beat her, but I still dreamt and drooled over the idea. Now I am not one to think I will win and put my hopes up to winning, I am just one to put up as much of a fight as I can in order to get the best result that I could for that given day. In order to put up the best fight I could I had to put on my serious game time face. I screwed on some aerobars onto the handlebars of my mountain bike, I brought my trainer to the staging area, and I even warmed up.
I should mention that the MTB Ski to Sea course is not a true mountain bike course, it's actually very pathetic, hence the aero bars. Cyclocross bikes are not allowed or else a CX bike would be the best best for the type of course it is. This year was the races 100 year anniversary since the original Bellingham Marathon, so they made the race 100 miles. The mountain bike leg was 20 miles, there isn't much you can do to make a ride from Hovander Park in Ferndale to the Marina in Bellingham 20 miles, without stupid pavement circles. The course had a lot of pavememnt, it was windy that day, so aero bars were actually quite helpful. I crossed the line and felt as if I worked my hardest and did all I could. As it turns out, all my hopes and dreams of being "The Top Gun" of the Bellingham Olympics came true! I was the fastest female "mountain biker" and came in 32nd out of 500 people. Pretty exciting if you ask for my opinion. Whenever I get my trophy I will take a picture of it and post it. Want to know what I ate the night before? and the night before that? Cookies, and cupcakes. MMM
Next up was the Leavenworth Bike and Brews Festival pat of The Indie Series. The course isn't all that exciting, but the environment and people are awesome. The course is a 4 mile hill climb up 1800 feet, half on a fire road and half on single track. Once at the top there is a raging decent with lots of water bars and 4 stream crossings. With the late spring and lots of snow melt, the stream crossings felt more like river crossings to me and even though it was 80 degrees outside, I couldn't feel my feet. 8 women lined up for the Open (Pro) women's category. I was nervous once I saw all those fast looking women, just don't come in last Courtenay (I have to talk to myself quite often). We were instructed to do 3 laps (that's 24 miles and 5400 feet of climbing) and I thought it wouldn't be too bad. The first lap wasn't bad, a little bit into the single track I was in 2nd place. I remained in 2nd place until about half way through the single track on the 2nd lap, where the girl who I passed on the first lap, passed me back. We kind of sort of were back and forth, and finally near the top on the 3rd lap she pulled away and my legs were tired. I finished in 3rd place by 14 seconds (but who's counting). I was proud of myself to finish the race in 3rd place, my first real test of racing in the Open women's field (meaning there actually was a field). I should also mention that the woman who won the Open Women at the Beezley Burn, and beat me by what was it....17 or 18 minutes came in 4th behind me, approximately 2 minutes back. Oh heck yes...watch out I'm coming to get you Open ladies. This race was also reassuring to me that I should be racing in the Open field, because had I chosen to race in Expert I would have won by too much. One last honorable mention...the women who won in my category won by 11 minutes...WTF? No one knows who she is. Mystery lady I suppose.
I am taking this weekend off of bike racing since I realized I have only had 2 weekends off since my first race this season on March 12th or was it the 13th? Next up is The Test of Metal in Squamish, BC. I am sure it will be epic.
I turn to Chris after eating dinner and so delightfully say how I want cake. He says "you could make a cookie bar, that's sort of like cake". So that's what I did, I whipped up a chocolate chip cookie bar, but I was too impatient to let it cook all the way. I pulled it out of the oven when the edges looked cripsy and delicious and let it sit...for 2 minutes before I sliced in. One corner was amazing, but you know when you eat a cookie you can't just have one. So I went back for seconds, and thirds, and fourths, and..... then the cookie bar was gone and I thought I was going to throw up. That's when I had to put the sign on the fridge. I felt sick for 2 days. I didn't eat a cookie for an entire month, and didn't even bake cookies for 2 months!
You see...I have a sweet tooth, and it's a problem. I used to buy pounds of bulk candy at the store and eat it within days. I love candy, I love cake, I love cookies, I love sugar. I truly am a fat kid at heart. So now you see how hard it is for me to restrain from wanting to bake some cookies. If there are cookies on the counter I will eat them all. Dessert has no shelf life in my house.
I look something like this when indulging in a delicious treat
This obsession is why I have to exercise on a regular basis. Scratch that, I have to exercise for multiple hours a day or I would like this (blue and round, I would be blue because I am sad for being so overweight and round because clearly I am eating too many cookies and not exercising enough)
Poor cookie monster. My cookie eating training has been treating me pretty well in my recent bike racing endeavors. Lets start with the Bellingham Olympics (commonly called Ski to Sea). This was my second year in a row racing the Mountain Bike leg of the Bham Olympics, but my 6th year competing. Last year after the race I learned of something called "The Top Gun" I wanted that award from that moment on. The "Top Gun" is the fastest male and female for each leg of the race. I drooled over the idea of that award all year long. The problem? The women who received the award in 2010 is stinkin' fast! I could only idolize how fast and skilled she is on a mountain and cross bike. I just wasn't sure I would be able to beat her, but I still dreamt and drooled over the idea. Now I am not one to think I will win and put my hopes up to winning, I am just one to put up as much of a fight as I can in order to get the best result that I could for that given day. In order to put up the best fight I could I had to put on my serious game time face. I screwed on some aerobars onto the handlebars of my mountain bike, I brought my trainer to the staging area, and I even warmed up.
I should mention that the MTB Ski to Sea course is not a true mountain bike course, it's actually very pathetic, hence the aero bars. Cyclocross bikes are not allowed or else a CX bike would be the best best for the type of course it is. This year was the races 100 year anniversary since the original Bellingham Marathon, so they made the race 100 miles. The mountain bike leg was 20 miles, there isn't much you can do to make a ride from Hovander Park in Ferndale to the Marina in Bellingham 20 miles, without stupid pavement circles. The course had a lot of pavememnt, it was windy that day, so aero bars were actually quite helpful. I crossed the line and felt as if I worked my hardest and did all I could. As it turns out, all my hopes and dreams of being "The Top Gun" of the Bellingham Olympics came true! I was the fastest female "mountain biker" and came in 32nd out of 500 people. Pretty exciting if you ask for my opinion. Whenever I get my trophy I will take a picture of it and post it. Want to know what I ate the night before? and the night before that? Cookies, and cupcakes. MMM
Next up was the Leavenworth Bike and Brews Festival pat of The Indie Series. The course isn't all that exciting, but the environment and people are awesome. The course is a 4 mile hill climb up 1800 feet, half on a fire road and half on single track. Once at the top there is a raging decent with lots of water bars and 4 stream crossings. With the late spring and lots of snow melt, the stream crossings felt more like river crossings to me and even though it was 80 degrees outside, I couldn't feel my feet. 8 women lined up for the Open (Pro) women's category. I was nervous once I saw all those fast looking women, just don't come in last Courtenay (I have to talk to myself quite often). We were instructed to do 3 laps (that's 24 miles and 5400 feet of climbing) and I thought it wouldn't be too bad. The first lap wasn't bad, a little bit into the single track I was in 2nd place. I remained in 2nd place until about half way through the single track on the 2nd lap, where the girl who I passed on the first lap, passed me back. We kind of sort of were back and forth, and finally near the top on the 3rd lap she pulled away and my legs were tired. I finished in 3rd place by 14 seconds (but who's counting). I was proud of myself to finish the race in 3rd place, my first real test of racing in the Open women's field (meaning there actually was a field). I should also mention that the woman who won the Open Women at the Beezley Burn, and beat me by what was it....17 or 18 minutes came in 4th behind me, approximately 2 minutes back. Oh heck yes...watch out I'm coming to get you Open ladies. This race was also reassuring to me that I should be racing in the Open field, because had I chosen to race in Expert I would have won by too much. One last honorable mention...the women who won in my category won by 11 minutes...WTF? No one knows who she is. Mystery lady I suppose.
I am taking this weekend off of bike racing since I realized I have only had 2 weekends off since my first race this season on March 12th or was it the 13th? Next up is The Test of Metal in Squamish, BC. I am sure it will be epic.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)