Would you like a slice of humble pie with that?

Race #2 of the season is DONE!  That was a hard race.  Chris and I headed south to Rochester, WA to race IVRR.  I had heard the race was lots of fun with some big hills, and you know I love hills.  If you have read my past blog posts from this winter you will see I had  hard time finding motivation to get some good training in with the terrible weather....it sort of showed.  I was very nervous before the race, it was the first race with some big hills, and this is where we can see how everyone climbs.  My figure is this: if you are somewhat a solid climber than you will go to a race where there are hills, if you are not a hill climber than you will not go to a race with large hills.  So I entered the race thinking/knowing that everyone was a solid hill climber. 

My lady teammates included Tara, Lisa, and myself.  At the line up the officials let us decide if we wanted to race the 1/2/3's together or separately.  Majority of the peeps said race together.  So there was probably a group of about 25ish between the categories.  I was warned the first hill was pretty steep and the 2nd hill was more gradual.  The race began and when we hit the first hill my legs yelled at me telling me they were stiff and I didn't do a good job warming up.  All that anxiety gets to me pre-race that I can't warm up properly.  The 2nd hill I managed to stay with the group as well, it was good and my legs felt better.  For some reason I had a really hard time staying on peoples wheels, I don't know if my mental game was gone, or if I was a little timid because of the pouring rain we had, so the road was wet.  Even on the downhills I was getting passed by ladies.  My head wasn't really in the game on some of those sections.  The decents were scetchy and I was scared.  The images I had flashing in my head were when on the team ride we had those 2 riders go down....I now decend with a lot of caution, I don't want to fly off my bike. 

At the start of the second lap before the first hill a women (who is a 3 and eventually went on to win the race) decided to make a solo break away....so she did and no one in the pack really did anything about it we just sort of let her go, so I decided to try and chase but then really I just didn't care enough to try and catch her, so come the hill a couple of the 1/2s in the group took off, caught her, and away that group went.  A group of about 10-12 of us were able to get together and try to chase, but we just didn't have what they did, so we did our thing.  There was a point where I thought I wasn't going to be able to keep up with the group we were moving pretty fast and my legs were burning.  I just kept telling myself how much easier it is in the group than by myself, do your best and stay with the group.  By the 2nd hill I was able to stay with the group on the climb, and even be closer to the front of the group.  But come the decent I just didn't have the mental capability to push myself down that hill...I was terrified.

By the start of the 3rd lap I was tired and mentally really breaking down.  Thank goodness for teammate Lisa who gave me a good mental head talk.  It was obvious that everyone in the pack was getting tired too, because we were going pretty slow, and it felt SOOO nice!!!!  Now that's a pace I can handle.  Then the first hill came.  I felt okay going into the hill and decided I could kick it up a small notch and pulled myself up the middle....turns out it was a little bit much and I moved to the right side of the road and almost everyone passed me on the left.  My muscles were hurting, my butt was even tired!  When my butt is tired is when I know I have been working hard.  Maybe I was working off the 10,000 calories of sugar I ate in 5 days this last week.  Once down the hill the group did a pretty good job of getting a paceline together and working together evenly to move forward.  Of course there were the ladies in the back that wouldn't pull through, but what do you do?  Come the 2nd hill I told myself "slow and steady Courtenay, slow and steady" and that's just how I climbed the hill.  It didn't matter if I was in the front or in the back, just climb slow and steady because at the top is a raging downhill.  That's just what I did, slow and steady and it got me to the top. 

After the big hill was a nice long flat section before the end.  We were pace lining through and I could feel the anxiety and energy from everyone in anticipation of the finish line.  Then I was informed that Lisa got a flat tire.  I was SO bummed for her!  She worked hard throughout the entire race and didn't deserve a flat, especially with only 3 miles to go!!!  As we were pacelining through I realized that I was now in the back of the pack with Tara and no one was going to let anyone move forward.  So I turn to Tara and ask if we were close to the end, and she said something on the lines of yes.  I looked up and saw orange flags and people and was thinking where is the 1k sign?  I also realized the group was staying in 2 lines and there was a lot of room up the right side of the road, so away I went.  I took off up the right side of the road passed most of the ladies and popped behind a women once we hit the 200m.  I figured that I could try and use her draft and pull around her.  Well I couldn't quite get around her, but I did get a great draft and had a great finish sprint to the end.  I finished 5th. 

I am very pleased with my 5th place sprint finish but for some reason I feel very humbled with the race.  I struggled to get up the hills and stay up towards the front with the ladies and my head was a thing of mush.  I don't feel like I deserved 5th place, even though I feel I did put in a lot of work.  I think I still have the mentality of I don't think I was the 5th strongest pers on in that pack so therefore I didn't deserve 5th.  But I guess it really matters if you still have that sprint in you at the end.  Which I did, I suppose.  I still struggle with the tactical side of road racing.  Perhaps it's being "smart"?  I am just not sure.  I am stuck in this place of I love racing my bike but I don't understand a lot of road racing, and I don't want to make any ladies mad, but in that same time by being nice and not wanting to make ladies mad, I think I do make them "mad" "frustrated"...I don't know. 

I really enjoyed having teammates in the race, and all three of us worked hard and climbed somewhat well.  I am dissapointed with the way I was climbing.  I feel like I could have climbed better.  I guess all those days when I decided a mountain bike ride could replace hill repeats, I was WRONG!  I think I am going to put my mountain bike aside until May and focus on my road bike and road racing.  I will do one mountian bike race in 2 weeks and that's it until May.  I  also have to remind myself why I race road.  I enjoy the challenge, it's good for my fitness, and Cyclocross. 

I feel that racing road in the Spring does a number for the fitness, racing mountain bikes does great for the technical skills.  Put the two together and you have one strong Cyclocross racer.  Goals.  Move forward, because I have goals for my next Cyclocross season, and achieving those goals starts now. 

I Miss You

I remember any time something wasn't always right for me and I could count on you there to protect me, come sweep me away to make me a happier person.  When I thought of you I could smile, you were kind of like a light in my eyes, I always looked up to you, and counted on the memories you and I could share together, and the times we could spend together.  The day you moved out of the house must have been when things started to change.  I wont forget the nights I stayed awake missing you. 

I wish I could say there isn't a day that passes where I don't think about you, but truth be told, I think about you day in and day out and I certainly live in fear you wont be around.  No one can control your actions, but all I wish for is a healthy, happy YOU.  The last image burned inside my head when I think of you is when I last saw you in June, and it tears me apart to think what you have done to yourself.  I hope your know your future has so much potential to be bright, I miss you, and I love you forever.

It's racing season baby!!

It's just another Manic Monday.

Every Monday I think of that song from the 80's, and I sing it in my head.  It never seems to fail to get me through my day. 

Six o'clock already
I was just in the middle of a dream
I was kissin' Valentino
By a crystal blue Italian stream
But I can't be late
'Cause then I guess I just won't get paid
These are the days
When you wish your bed was already made

It's just another manic Monday
I wish it was Sunday
'Cause that's my funday
My I don't have to runday
It's just another manic Monday

Is this just not the truth?  Sunday is our Funday, and Monday's are manic.  Here is what I am getting at:  I had an awesome weekend.  Don't get me wrong, all last week I was so upset that I didn't get to go race the first collegiate cycling racing weekend (I am not longer a college student..more to that later).  I was/am bummed, I love collegiate racing, I love that every weekend is so HARD, that by the time Sunday afternoon around 3pm hits, my legs are dying and my stomach is growling.  Who doesn't like it when all you do is eat and ride bikes for 2 full days?  So needless to say I was a little let down after only 1 race on Saturday, and in all honestly it didn't even feel like a race, at least to my body it didn't, the tension around the pack made it feel like a race though, that's for sure. 

Saturday morning Chris and I headed down to Edmonds to catch the ferry to Kingston to race in Sequim #1!  Well Chris didn't race, he is fighting something terrible.  We met my teammate Lisa (who raced for UW and now we race together) and made it onto the 10:30 ferry out of Edmonds.  I am glad we made it to Sequim with so much time because I was really nervous for this race.  The women 1/2/3's were all racing together and I just had this big fear that I was going to get dropped so fast, my goal was to hang on for as long as possible before I would get popped.  Once we arrived I did my thing, registered, got dressed, prepared the bike, the water bottles, and my race food.  My nervousness was subsiding a little bit when I noticed how may ladies we were going to have in the pack, there were 8 1/2/3's jsut from Cucina Fresca!  I was going to have teammates, but my biggest worry and focus was to not get dropped.  I started in the back of the pack and figured I could try and work my way to the middle after we got started.

When the good man yelled "GO" the ladies rolled out, and then before I realized it the speed was blazing fast, I was worried for many reasons at the start of the race.  This was my new bike's racing debut, and I was worried about racing on a fast, twitchy, responsive bike, with brand new handlebars put on Friday evening.  I was worried I was going to flat, I was cold, and I was worried I was going to get dropped.  After the first lap I realied I loved how my bike was handling, I loved the fit of the new handlebars, I wasn't cold anymore, and my anxiety was gone.  At the start of the race Jess has mentioned something about chasing down any break aways, and make sure if there was a break that we had a teammate in it.  After I was getting comfortable in the pack and realized how great my legs felt I decided to chase down a couple of girls who took off, I caught them, but knew the pack was going to get us, but none the less I had fun feeling the burn in my legs. 

Towards the end of the 2nd lap (of 4) there was a break away, that stuck.  Since every team in the field (except Group Health) had someone in the break, no one really wanted to work, except for Group Health, so the pace slowed down, and I got bored.  Sitting in the pack without any attacks happening, and just riding in circles really made me antsy, I felt like I wanted to do something, but wasn't sure what I could do.  I wanted to move up in the pack, but wasn't exactly sure how to or where I would go once I moved up.  It was around lap 3 that I realized I didn't know what I was doing and I really don't know how it race road, and I was getting anxious, this race felt TOO easy (clearly I need a race with some hills).

By the last lap I realized I wasn't going to get dropped and the end would come down to the final sprint.  Since I don't think I am the best sprinter I began some self talk, letting myself know that I should be very proud of the accomplishment for the day, I stayed with the pack, who cares what place I get!  By the last turn onto the final stretch of road I could tell everyone was getting anxious because they all started passing me to move up to closer to the front, next thing I knew I was in the back of the pack.  That's when I realized I needed to pick which side of the road I was going to sprint on, should I go left?  Should I go right?  Where are most of the people going to go?  I chose right, and I am so glad, lots of people moved left, the women in front of me could sprint so I was able to move pretty quickly forward, and finished 5th in the Cat 3's. 

Not too bad for the first race of the season.

Growing Pains

Do you ever sit down and realize how old you are and think about where you should be in your life, and compare yourself to where others are?  Sometimes I do this and today I began to feel okay about my life.  The past 3-4 months have kind of been a whirl wind of emotions of trying to decide what to do, wondering why I have no work, and trying to finish my thesis.  I have finally come to terms with my life and how things are going to be, and the best thing that I can do is make changes and make things happen for myself, move forward. 

A step forward started last week.  I need to look at my options in my career path, how can I sell myself, and my services, how can I make the people in this world healthier?  My dad introduced me to the president of a company here in Bellingham, so Jeri (my group ex coordinator) and I went to their HR heads to discuss some corporate wellness/fitness options to the company.  It was a really great experience for me to sit in/be a part of a discussion like this.  I just hope that it can help propel my business forward. 

My second step forward include my finances.  If you don't know already, I love stuff, expensive stuff and I am in a constant battle to pay off my credit card.  Over the past yearish I decided I should start putting some money into my savings account so I had some money when I was finally cut off from my dad.  My account has slowly built up, it's not amazing, but I have a little back up money in my savings...until I bought a new bike and went to Hawaii.  Now I am back to adding money to my savings and slowly rebuilding that savings account right back up.  While I am trying to put money into my savings, I am also trying to pay off my credit card bill that keeps accumulating.  I know, I know, you are probably asking why I just don't pay it off with my money from my savings, I have  weird way of thinking about it.  ANYWAYS.  Looking at my credit card statement, and my recent pay checks it came to my realization that I am finally going to be paying off that damn credit card that I have been working towards paying off for months now.  I feel so grown up.  I feel so excited, and smart.  I am now thinking about what I am going to do with my tax return, and when I graduate officially from my Masters some more cash flow.  I can't WAIT!  I want to put that money off somewhere so I can't spend it, so I can't look at it staring me in the face asking to be spent. 

I had one other thought concerning my finances.  Biking is the most expensive thing I do.  I want to open up a separate bank account where I can just put money to spend on biking expenses.  For example: race entry fees, hotels/houses, gas, licenses, etc.  I think it would be such a good thing for me to manage how much money I am spending on this rich person sport.  That way, I can know exactly how much I am spending on races, AND I can budget myself. 

This month I am working on looking at my expenses, and cutting back next month.  The hardest thing for me to cut back on:

My morning latte. 

Dang it. 

Spring? Where are you? Are you out there? Hello???

I can't seem to find any signs of Spring.  I think I'm lost.  The only sign of Spring I have is that road racing starts this weekend...I will not be par-taking in that event.  So for the mean time I will wonder around looking for Spring.

Are you out there?  Please come to me Spring.

HELLO?!!!!